Homing Honker Novelty Mailbox

Homing Honker Novelty Mailbox

Features: "Can be confusing to over-eager bird hunters and hounds!" Let me get this straight -- something that can get your mailbox shot is a feature?!

Baby Anvil

Baby Anvil

I wonder whether anvils reproduce by sexual or asexual reproduction. Hmmm.

New Kids on the Block: The Whole Story By Their Friends

New Kids on the Block: The Whole Story By Their Friends

Didn't this selection blow your mind this time? You've got the right stuff if you buy this book to prove you're hangin' tough.

Solid Gold S.E.P.

Solid Gold S.E.P.

Seeing as how you can't really enroll dogs in twelve-step programs . . . (well, you can, but the results are less than encouraging).

Bagpipes from Hell

Bagpipes from Hell

Does that make them zombie bagpipes?

Sell Yourself to Science

Sell Yourself to Science: The Complete Guide to Selling your Organs, Body Fluids, Bodily Functions, and Being a Human Guinea Pig

Man, I wish I'd known this book existed when I was in college.

Yanni in Words

Yanni in Words

I suppose Yanni in Words is better than Yanni in Music.

Hot Hooters Booby Massage Oil

Hot Hooters Booby Massage Oil -- Pina Colada

What do owls have to do with Pina Coladas? I'm so confused!

Knitting with Dog Hair

Knitting with Dog Hair: Better a Sweater from a Dog You Know and Love than from a Sheep You'll Never Meet

If you've got a chihuahua, you're just SOL.

Fart Proudly

Fart Proudly

Yes, that Benjamin Franklin.

Habanero Beef Jerky

Habanero Beef Jerky

A great weight loss aid -- not only will this make you shit fire, it's low-carb!

Cleveland Browns Baby Blanket

Cleveland Browns Baby Blanket

This doesn't seem like a particularly nice thing to do to a helpless baby.

Extraordinary Chickens

Extraordinary Chickens

I'll bet extraordinary chickens make extraordinary coq au vin.

Super Fannies

Super Fannies College Logo Disposable Diapers

I'm thinking of buying Nora some University of Florida diapers . . . for her to POOP on!

Spin the Bottle Electronic Game

Spin the Bottle Electronic Game

According to the manufacturer, this game SHOULD NOT be used by anyone under the age of three. Small parts, y'know?

Golden Fountain

Golden Fountain: The Complete Guide to Urine Therapy

You're an eight, but I'm a ten.

Seabird Guano

Seabird Guano

Notice the "features" of this bird poop. Sounds like a koan to me!

NASCAR Bib and Bottle Set

NASCAR Bib and Bottle Set

I'd rather be reading Jane Austen, thank you very much.

Walter Canis Inflatus

Walter Canis Inflatus

Some things are just better in Latin, like The Aeneid and Walter the Farting Dog.

Crow Fight / Baby Crow Distress CD

Crow Fight / Baby Crow Distress Hunting CD

Also useful for long car trips with people you don't like.

Hemp Masters

Hemp Masters: Ancient Hippie Secrets for Knotting Hip Hemp Jewelry

In the beginning were the hippies . . .

Children's Shaolin Monk Outfit

Children's Shaolin Monk Outfit

I'd totally be a soccer mom if it meant my kid got to wear one of these.

The Baby Name Wizard

The Baby Name Wizard: A Magical Method for Finding the Perfect Name for Your Baby

I think a better method is to tell the name you have in mind to a classroom full of second graders and ask them to figure out how they'd tease someone with that name. If it takes them more than ten minutes to come up with a good idea, you've got your name.

Dora the Explorer Coat Rack

Dora the Explorer Coat Rack

In my day, we didn't have Dora the Explorer Coat Racks. We had a hook on the wall for our coats and we LIKED it!

Kids Who Sell Crack

Kids Who Sell Crack Print

I'm hoping that if I get this for Nora's room, she'll be able to supplement the family income pretty well by the time she's two.

Method of Attacking the Crocodile Art Print

Method of Attacking the Crocodile Framed Art Print

Goya hung Saturn Devouring His Children over his dining room table, so I suppose a print of a human attacking a crocodile might go well in my kitchen.

Wild Bill Clinton Mask

Wild Bill Clinton Mask

Ex-presidents gone wild! Hmmm. Not that appetizing.

Inflatable Party Sheep

Inflatable Party Sheep

What they don't tell you is that half of the party is inflating the sheep.

Purple Moon Dust Space Pen

Purple Moon Dust Space Pen

Useful when you need to jot down a shopping list in -55 degree, gravity-free conditions.

Enzyte

Enzyte

Meet Bob. Bob was flaccid . . . until he discovered Amazon!

Shit Happens charm

Shit Happens charm

Nothing like a steaming pile of poo to show the world you have great taste in jewelry.

Barbie Horse Adventures: Mystery Ride

Barbie Horse Adventures: Mystery Ride

Today on Odd Amazon Discoveries we're celebrating the Horrors of Barbie. First up, a game in which we hope Barbie doesn't get to reenact any apocryphal Catherine the Great scenes.

Barbie of Swan Lake

Barbie of Swan Lake Computer Game

The combination of Barbie and Tchaikovsky is making my head burst into flames.

My Scene

My Scene Computer Game

For the record, we at Today's Odd Amazon Discovery prefer games where one can beat people up with a stolen nightstick to games where one can "buy a to-die-for outfit, find the hottest new makeup, or search for cool sunglasses." They're probably a lot less harmful to society in general too.

The Hidden Messages in Water

The Hidden Messages in Water

If you've got hidden messages in your water, might I suggest a filter? The best remove 99% of mineral impurities and at least 98% of hidden messages.

Missile Tortoise

Missile Tortoise

Slow and steady wins the race. Just in case, a few missiles can't hurt.

Adult Sweatshirt

Firefighter/Pull Hose Adult Sweatshirt

Your standard issue tacky sweatshirt. Except that I found this in women's apparel. Exactly what hose they're referring to, I don't want to know.

How to Shit in the Woods

How to Shit in the Woods: An Environmentally Sound Approach to a Lost Art

You know how to shit in the woods, don't you? You just put your cheeks together and . . . no, wait, I've got this all wrong.

Mini Wooden Mannequin

Mini Wooden Mannequin

I keep a few of these on hand whenever I do laundry. Things tend to shrink.

Clifford the Big Red Dog Pinata

Clifford the Big Red Dog Pinata

"Honey, look what we got you for your birthday! It's a pinata of your favorite cartoon animal friend. Isn't he cute? Now let's bash his head in with a stick! His guts are made of candy!"

Bling Bling Pillow

Bling Bling Pillow

I taught my niece all about "bling bling." Not too long afterwards, she was playing dress-up and declared herself the Princess Bling Bling. When told later that evening to change into her pajamas for bed, she sobbed, "Don't make me take off my mad bling!" I'm thinking she needs this pillow.

Journal of the Lincolnshire Methodist History Society

Journal of the Lincolnshire Methodist History Society

Um, yeah.

Marijuana Incense

Marijuana Incense

"Rich, lingering aroma." That's nice and all if you're baking an apple pie, but if you're trying to make the place smell like marijuana as a matter of course, you're just whack. And don't people normally burn incense to cover up the smell of pot?

Amazon.com for Dummies

Amazon.com for Dummies

You mean there's more to Amazon than finding weird shit?! Damn.

1200 Thread Count Sheets

1200 Thread Count Sheet Set

I thought my 300 count sheets made me a badass! Now I feel 75% inferior. I'm going to go in the corner and cry somewhere now. Don't mind me.

Organic Tampons

Natracare Organic All-Cotton Tampons

Even hippies get visits from Aunt Flo!

The Clapper

The Clapper

Because if you've seen it on TV, it has to be good.

The Settlers of Zarahemla

The Settlers of Zarahemla

Yes, it's Settlers of Catan -- for Mormons.

Diatonic 12 String Lyre

Diatonic 12 String Lyre

Useful for impromptu gigs in Ancient Sparta.