Authentic Sheboygan Bratwursts

Authentic Sheboygan Bratwursts

These better come with a damn certificate from the Franklin Mint, or I'm going to hit someone.

Royal Potty

Royal Potty

If a man's home is his castle, he deserves no less of a throne than a singing toilet.

Mystical Dogs

Mystical Dogs: Animals as Guides to our Inner Lives

My dog's idea of mysticism is liver sausage. I hope like hell he's not a guide to my inner life.

Your Own Perfect Medicine

Your Own Perfect Medicine

I'm not sure why people are complaining about not being able to afford health insurance when they could be drinking their own pee to cure whatever ails them.

76 Ways to Use Noni Fruit Juice

76 Ways to Use Noni Fruit Juice

Male genital play and torment, perhaps?

Silk Palm Tree

Silk Palm Tree

Not sure how a fake plant can liven up any space, but we'll go with that for now.

The Family Jewels

The Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play and Torment

I think all fetish divas should be named after liqueurs.

May It Fill Your Soul: Experiencing Bulgarian Music

May It Fill Your Soul: Experiencing Bulgarian Music

I have to say, of the nearly 10,000 songs I have in my iTunes collection, the only ones that are remotely Bulgarian are the Ladytron albums. And I don't think this book is hip to electroclash.

Japanese Silk Bondage Rope

Japanese Silk Bondage Rope

As with so many Odd Amazon Discoveries, the best part isn't the odd discovery itself, but rather the advertised features. Oh, and how exactly is this "health and personal care"?

Ionic Shoe Freshener

Pollenex ISH Ionic Shoe Freshener

When keeping your feet clean is a matter of life or death. Or at least a matter of life or trench foot.

Mr. Potato Head Saves Veggie Valley

Mr. Potato Head Saves Veggie Valley

"Don't worry, everyone! See this little green spot? It's got cyanide in it! Now stand back!"

Star Wars Super Soaker

Super Soaker Star Wars Revenge of the Sith Wookiee Water Blaster

Careful. It's a bitch to get that wet wookiee smell out of your upholstery.

Women Who Love Cats Too Much

Women Who Love Cats Too Much

This is not, in fact, porn.

My Scene Date Doll: River with Two TV Dinners

My Scene Date Doll: River with Two TV Dinners

This is what the kids find romantic these days? Salisbury steak?!

SlaveCraft

SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude -- Principles, Skills, and Tools

Gotcha! It's not Warcraft set on the Underground Railroad!

There Is Eternal Life for Animals

There Is Eternal Life for Animals

As someone who's had pets who have died, and someone who has a couple of fur babies, the idea of an afterlife for pets is somewhat comforting. But does this mean that, like, termites live forever too? Or is it a Velveteen Rabbit thing, where animals who are loved get real souls? Of course, dogs are exempt from this discussion, cf. All Dogs Go To Heaven (Bluth & Goldman 1989).

Ten Redneck Babies

Ten Redneck Babies: A Southern Counting Book

A fellow from Alabama goes to the doctor. "Doc," he says, "I want a vasectomy. I done had ten redneck babies, and I reckon that's enough." The doctor begins to tell him about the vasectomy procedure, but then he checks the fellow's chart and notices he's from Alabama. So the doctor says, "All you have to do is light a cherry bomb, put it in a beer can, and count to ten."

The fellow thinks to himself that can't be right, so he goes to another doctor and says "I want a vasectomy." The doctor begins to talk to him about pre-op, but then notices that the fellow is from Alabama and tells him, "Just light a cherry bomb, put it in a beer can, and count to ten."

The fellow figures that if both doctors told him the same thing, it must be right. So he drinks a beer, sat down in a chair, lit a cherry bomb, and put it in the beer can. He holds out his left hand and starts counting -- "one, two, three, four, five." Then he pauses and puts the beer can down between his legs to finish up on the other hand -- "six, seven, eight....."

Chicken Poop

Free Range Chicken Poop

"Made of the finest ingredients." Uh-huh.

Lure for Her Pheromone Cologne

Lure for Her Pheromone Cologne

Probably not a good thing to wear to church.

The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Mafia

The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Mafia

A very special edition of Today's Odd Amazon Discovery, as we celebrate the wonders of the Complete Idiot's Guide series of books. First up, a helpful hint: if you need the Complete Idiot's Guide to the Mafia, chances are you're better off not associating with the Mafia.

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Communicating with Spirits

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Communicating with Spirits

I'm great at communicating with spirits. Tequila, rum, vodka...

The Complete Idiot's Guide to America Online 4

The Complete Idiot's Guide to America Online 4

If you need this book, throw your computer in the garbage and get a typewriter. Seriously.

Wacky World of Peafowl, Volume I

Wacky World of Peafowl, Volume I

Oh, peafowl, what won't you hump?

Your Disgusting Head

Your Disgusting Head: The Darkest, Most Offensive, and Moist Secrets of Your Ears, Mouth, and Nose

I prefer my secrets light, pleasant, and dry. Obviously this book is not for me.

Jeff Costa's Cardio Strip Tease Workout

Jeff Costa's Cardio Strip Tease Workout

"Hey, baby <*pant, pant*>, isn't this <*pant, pant, wheeze*> turning you <*pant*> on?"