Vegan Fight Song

Vegan Fight Song

It's Vegan Day at Today's Odd Amazon Discovery! First up we have a free music download. Check it out. I can promise you you'll never look at tofu quite the same way again.

Vegan Pet Food

Wysong Vegan Feline/Canine Diet

It had never occurred to me that veganism could encompass cruelty to animals, but there you go.

The Little Book of Vegan Poems

The Little Book of Vegan Poems

Being a carnivore, I stick to poems made exclusively from meat. They're doing amazing things with bone marrow these days, you know.

Internet: Getting On-Line DVD

Internet: Getting On-Line DVD

It's not the fact that this exists; it's the fact that someone could buy it through Amazon.

Milk: The Deadly Poison

Milk: The Deadly Poison

Fuck arsenic. When I want to kill someone, I'll use milk! (Cheaper, y'know?)

Leg Lamp Christmas Ornament

A Christmas Story Leg Lamp Christmas Ornament

Makes a perfect gift for your favorite amputee. Or movie lover, but those seem to be easier to buy for in the general case.

How to Date a White Woman

How to Date a White Woman: A Practical Guide for Asian Men

I have to say, if I were considering dating a white woman, the picture on the cover might make me reconsider. If I were looking for practical advice on how to get a white woman to eat my soul, I might be more inclined to purchase this tome, however.

Foot Deodorant

Crystal Foot Deodorant Spray

Judging by the items popular among those who bought this item, I've come to the scientific conclusion that people with stinky enough feet to buy heavy-duty foot deodorant off Amazon tend to stink all over.

Barber Pole

47" Barber Pole

I always wondered where you could get one of these!

Boogerman: A Pick and Flick Adventure

Boogerman: A Pick and Flick Adventure

And people wonder why Sega lost the console wars.

Quantum Coherence Generator

Quantum Coherence Generator

For six hundred bucks I think it's reasonable to expect that this thing would neutralize geopathic stress in at least an eighty-five foot diameter.

Menopop

Menopop: A Menopause Pop-Up and Activity Book

Features a centerfold named "Miss Maperiod." No, I'm not making that up.

Elk Carcass

Elk Carcass

This user review says it all: "And when I'm having carcass, I like to have oranges with my carcass, and maybe a little fruity zinfadel to wash down the carcass."

Puppetry of the Penis

Puppetry of the Penis: The Ancient Australian Art of Genital Origami

Here's what I don't get: if these fellows can make the Eiffel Tower and the Loch Ness Monster out of their genitalia, how is it that their signature creation is a fricking hamburger?

Super Bark Free

Super Bark Free

The user review referencing the "somewhat deranged dog" is pure comedy gold.

Wolf Whistle Car Horn

WOLO 350 Wolf Whistle Horn

Not sure if this is intended to solicit passersby for sex or to encourage someone to kill you.

Michael Bolton's Greatest Hits

Michael Bolton's Greatest Hits 1985-1995

I suppose "greatest" is, by its very nature, a relative term.

Pork Chocs

Pork Chocs

There's a bar called Mulligan's within walking distance of my house that's trying to kill the entire neighborhood. If they're looking for a great side dish for their hamdog and Luther Burgers, I can think of nothing better than chocolate-covered pork rinds.

Bonsai Tree

Brussel's Juniper Needle Specimen Tree

I wonder how long it would take to kill a $4,300.00 bonsai. Anyone want to buy me one so I can find out?

Slam Man

Slam Man

Too bad more people don't light up when you punch them. I could release my rage in amusing ways more often.

Enema Story

Enema Story

Yesterday I was too afraid to search for "enema." I should have left well enough alone. On the bright side, I now have the perfect complement for TLC's daytime lineup.

Intuitive Touch With Horses

Intuitive Touch With Horses DVD

You want a snappy comment?! I just introduced you to a video called Intuitive Touch With Horses, for Pete's sake! What more do you want?

Pirate Flag

Jolly Roger Pirate Flag

Useful for making your Badonkadonk even more frightening.

The Colon Cleansing Kit

The Colon Cleansing Kit

Frankly, I'm too afraid to search Amazon for "enema."

Laverne and Shirley Coloring Book

Laverne and Shirley Coloring Book

Hopefully including less adult material than the other two items on today's list.

Pornogami

Pornogami: A Guide to the Ancient Art of Paper Folding for Adults

Because nothing holds an adult's attention like paper folded into a schlong, right?

Mooning Garden Gnome

Garden Gnome Drop Drawers

Adds a real touch of ass to your garden.

1972-73 Dodge Truck Repair Manual

1972-73 Dodge Truck Repair Manual

I think for the price of this manual you could probably buy yourself another twenty-three year old truck rather than fixing the one you have.

Sugar-Free, Low-Carb Chocolates

Love & Affection Sugar-Free, Low-Carb Chocolates

I'm confused. How can you express love and/or affection without sugar? Is this a joke?

The Family Jewels

The Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play and Torment

Notice the first reviewer complains it's "a little light on the pictures." This is a complaint?! Under the circumstances, that can only be a good thing.

Bikini Calculus

Bikini Calculus DVD

Confession: We own this. Phil is working on teaching himself calculus, so I bought this for him when I came across it in my "research." We watched it last night, and let me say that it just might surpass Be Somebody or Be Somebody's Fool for Groce family party entertainment. It's more cheesy and low budget than you can possibly imagine.

Underwater Welding Training

Underwater Welding Training CD

I hear the sequel involves basket weaving. Note especially the first "feature."

Hookah

Hookah

I hear foreign types with these pipes say "Way oh way oh." I don't know how much I trust the Bangles' anthropological expertise, however.

What Bird Did That?

What Bird Did That?: A Guide to the Ornithological Dejecta of Great Britain and Europe

Burton Silver is officially my hero (check for his other books. You'll see why).

Mr. T Rubber Duckie

Mr. T Rubber Duckie

I pity da fool who doesn't wash behind their ears!

Postmaster Retirement Memories Journal

Postmaster Retirement Memories Journal

"Remember that time when I bit your leg? Ah, those were some good times. Don't forget about your canine friends! Love, Sparky."

Lesbian Love Making Sculpture

Lesbian Love Making Sculpture

When I first saw this item, I thought to myself, "Hmm. These people aren't really so good at their subject-verb agreement, and I'm not really sure why I should care about lesbians' opinion of sculpting." Boy, was I wrong!

Find Love and Project Charisma

Sutphen Audio "Only Subliminals" Find Love and Project Charisma

Of course, if you don't have anyone worthy of your condom on a stick, you can always try some subliminal messages to make yourself more lovable!

Lollipop Condom

I Love You Valentine Lollipop Condom On A Stick

Love is in the air at Today's Odd Amazon Discovery! In honor of St. Valentine's Day, we have here a condom on a stick for a mere penny! Nothing says 'I love you' like a one cent condom!

I Robot edition Chuck Taylors

I Robot edition Chuck Taylors

I half expect to see a Sideways-themed douche any day now.

Robot Rug

Robot Rug

Again with the stuff childhood nightmares are made of!

Robot Market for 2004

Robot Market for 2004

In honor of my most recent iTunes playlist ("The Eternal Struggle: Man vs. Robot"), we have today a themed T.O.A.D. based upon our metal friends. Here we have a way for you to spend $350.00 on a PDF predicting how many robots will be sold in 2004. There have been more bizarre items featured in Today's Odd Amazon Discovery, but probably none more superfluous.

Women's Sexy Costume

Chief Pecker Inspector

Correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't the magnifying glass that comes with this outfit send the wrong idea?

Virtual Girl

Virtual Girl Solid Love Doll

For that price, she better make scinitillating conversation at family dinners. Or omelets, at the very least.

The Construction and Operation of Clandestine Drug Laboratories

The Construction and Operation of Clandestine Drug Laboratories

Patriot Act, my ass!

Breast Enlargement Patch

Lust Breast Enlargement Patches

Switch these for someone's penis enlargement or HGH releaser patches and watch the fun begin!

Food For a Year!

Family Unit: One Year's Food for Four People

I have a feeling that by the 152nd serving of dehydrated mashed potatoes, you'll be willing to leave your underground bunker and brave whatever terrorism, war, or unrest is taking place above ground.

Worm Dung

30 Lb. Worm Castings

When twenty pounds of biological waste just isn't enough.

Fluffy and God's Christmas Adventure

Fluffy and God's Christmas Adventure

Includes a fun "Herod vs. Fluffy" game! Phil wonders: "So is Fluffy God's sidekick, or is God Fluffy's sidekick?"

Traffic Cone

Traffic Cone

Now you too can create traffic jams and cause accidents! The most fun $6.99 can buy!

Women of Wal-Mart

Playboy Women of Wal-Mart DVD

I was going to make the clothing rollback joke myself, but much to my chagrin, it's in the editorial description.

Catapult How-To

Build a Catapult in Your Backyard

Lends credence to that whole "a man's home is his castle" maxim.

Sugar Ray Sheet Music

14:59 Sheet Music

Wow! I'll bet "Every Morning" would sound great on the piano!

Vienna Sausage

Goya Vienna Sausage in Chicken Broth

Three questions: 1.) Who in the hell would buy a $0.49 can of Vienna Sausages over the Internet? 2.) How in the hell does this qualify as gourmet food? 3.) Can we take at face value the merchant's claim that this is "great with rice or as A Appetizer?"

Swedish-made Penis Enlarger Pump

Swedish-made Penis Enlarger Pump

This sort of thing is my bag, baby.

Robomower

Friendly Robotics RL800 Robomower

I'm really glad this is from Friendly Robotics, and not Robotics That Will One Day Enslave You. I'd hate to be enslaved by a lawn mower.

The Anti-Tank Bazooka Rocket Launcher

The Anti-Tank Bazooka Rocket Launcher DVD

Are your neighbors all high and mighty now that they've bought a Badonkadonk? Eviscerate them with an Anti-Tank Bazooka Rocket Launcher! This handy video will show you how.

Art of Camouflage 2

Art of Camouflage 2

Um, dude? I can totally see you in that bush.

Vital Female Sexual Energy

Vital Female Sexual Energy

It's not so much the fact that you can buy female Viagra through Amazon as the fact that it costs more than my car.

Tank

Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank

Are your neighbors all high and mighty now that they've bought a Hummer? Emasculate them with a Badonkadonk! (It helps that Badonkadonk is just so gosh-darned fun to say.)

The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From The Living Dead

Okay, unlike How To Good-Bye Depression, this at least appears to be a joke. But an ever-so-useful one! (I'm surprised Amazon doesn't pair it with Shaun of the Dead.)

How to Host a Princess Party

How to Host a Princess Party DVD

I have a feeling this won't involve gin.

Fishing Lures Toilet Seat

Fishing Lures Toilet Seat

If you want large-mouth bass to pee in your toilet, then this just might be the toilet seat for you!

Breasts

Breasts (My Body Science)

Yes, breasts are fascinating and all, but are the grill marks really necessary?

Female Check

Female Check

Yup, still female!

Violent J

Insane Clown Posse Action Figure

I suppose it's only fitting that Violent J would be a choking hazard.

Branding Iron

Alabama Crimson Tide Branding Iron

This will brand your buns. Don't say you weren't warned.

Sno-Baller

Sno-Baller Snowball Maker

What, you can't be bothered to make your own snowballs? Geez, no wonder the world thinks Americans are decadent.

Anthrax: What They're Not Telling Us

Anthrax: What They're Not Telling Us

My guess is that Among The Living is a total rip-off of The Well-Tempered Clavier. But I haven't seen the video, so I'm not 100% certain.

Bodywork for Dogs

Bodywork for Dogs

Hey, I love the De Stijl Canine Companion, but I somehow don't think I'm going to drop thirty bucks to learn how to give him a proper massage. Sorry, Sparky.

Assorted Butt Plugs

Connoisseur Anal Collection

Note the option to "Get it for less! Order it used."

Russian Sable Fur Coat

Russian Sable Fur Coat

Imagine a Venn diagram. In one circle we have the set of "People with enough money to spend $40,000 on a coat." In the other circle we have the set of "People stupid enough to drop $40,000 on a fur coat sight unseen over the Internet." The intersection of these two sets is presumably the intended market for this item.

Bobby Labonte & Shrek

NASCAR and Shrek figure two-pack

Some things just go together. Salt and pepper. Cookies and milk. Bobby Labonte and . . . Shrek?!

Human Growth Hormone

HGH 8750 Human Growth Hormone

"Each bottle last two months!" Unless, of course, you chug the whole thing down in one sitting. I doubt the manufacturer would recommend that.

Whole Kid Goat

Kid Goat, Whole, 16-20 lb.

The best part is the ingredients list -- almost poetic in its succinctness.

Free-Style Knife Fighting

Free-Style Knife Fighting

Because so many of us nail the compulsory knife fighting exercises but stumble in the long program.

Ronald Reagan Bust

Ronald Reagan Bust

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter
In there stepped a Raven from the days of nineteen eighty-four;
Not the least "just say no!" made he, not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of Bush or Cheney, perched above my chamber door--
Perched upon a bust of Reagan just above my chamber door--
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

How to Good-Bye Depression

How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

There's really nothing I can say about this that won't pale in comparison. I would encourage you, however, to read the product description.